This Mother’s Day was a little different for me – I think things are experienced differently once you go through losing a baby.
While I am acutely aware of how blessed I am to be carrying a healthy baby boy right now – today was a reminder that I SHOULD be holding my 3 month old daughter in my arms.
Petty life stuff doesn’t seem to matter.
A crabby toddler is manageable. The messy house is ignored.
There are things you just don’t take for granted anymore, things you don’t spend your energy griping about because you are aware not only of your own loss, but the losses of people around you. The women who reached out to me after losing Lilia are all top of mind today. Some of their losses far, far worse than mine – some of them still unable to hold any children in their arms and praying to be blessed with that opportunity someday.
My prayers have been many today, and often – as each one of these women popped into my head for various reasons.
I am so grateful for my beautiful boys – for their health and well being. For their ability to make enormous messes and ruin my furniture. For Beckett’s new found love of throwing toilet paper in the toilet, flushing it and clogging it. For messy bedrooms, sticky fingers and temper tantrums.
Because even in the exhaustion of parenting, I know that it IS a blessing and one God has given to me. And not only am I blessed, but as we were reminded in church today, I have been charged with a huge responsibility to care for them, to raise them and to help them know God.
And knowing the face of loss as I do – the women, men and families behind it – I know that each day with my children is truly a gift. I know I’ll forget this again soon and get frustrated with the daily grind, but today I am grateful for the painful reminder that my children are precious.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mothers I know – those of you who hold your babies and those of you who can’t. Those of you who long to and don’t yet – those of you who have lost mothers and those of you who mother alone. Much love to all of you. I have thought about you all day long, and am grateful we serve a God who is intimately aware of you.