This morning I dropped my son off at school, like I do 5 days a week – and as I drove off, I felt the same pit in my stomach that I do every time.
I have no idea why I always feel sad dropping him off at school. He goes to a great school and has a great teacher. He does well and is on the honor roll. I enjoy my free time during the day while he’s there…but yet, I can’t help but feel worried and protective every time I see him walking into the school. When he was really little – kindergarten and first grade- the sight of his backpack bouncing up and down as he disappeared behind the big glass doors often brought me to tears.
After I drive away, I always pray for his day and for his safety and protection. Today was no exception, but I did wonder…am I a helicopter Mom? As if the title and name of Mom isn’t hard enough to try to live up to – now I might be a specific KIND of Mom. Tiger Mom, Helicopter Mom…there are a lot of different terms and labels out there to describe a parenting style.
It’s pretty overwhelming to think how much you can love another person – especially one that you have to force to take showers and eat carrots. (Hopefully at different times – eating carrots in the shower would probably deem me a different kind of Mom altogether…) And it doesn’t seem to matter how much time passes, or how old and independent he gets – he still stirs up that same kind of protective love from me that he did when he was first placed in my arms 10 years ago.
There was a time (ok, a long time) the thought of having more children terrified me. There were several reasons for this, but one of the biggest reasons was that I couldn’t imagine having to juggle those worried, fearful, overwhelming, knock the air out of you kind of feelings for another child. It was hard enough with one – how in the world could I balance those fears and dreams and hopes for another?
I still feel that way sometimes, as LBH’s arrival looms in the not so distant future. I know he will be loved and cherished and an amazing little addition to our family. But man…I’m going to need to toughen up a little bit.