I am an accidental stalker.
It’s not my fault, hence the accidental part. I know it’s time for my regularly scheduled Thankful on a Thursday post, but today’s post is going to be a bit different on account of the person I accidentally stalked once is doing a contest and all, and I want to enter. If you want to enter, check out the contest and seminar info here: http://www.donmilleris.com/conference
In June of 2009 I posted this on my blog,
Donald Miller writes about his mother, “She mothered herself into exhaustion. Weekdays, Mom would work late, often coming home right around our bedtime, and even then we were all too tired to act like a family. I knew, somehow, that my mother’s long working hours were because of my sister and me. But I never thought to ascribe my mother’s emotional and physical exhaustion to the lack of a husband and father, rather, I ascribed it to my existence. There were times, I confess, I wondered if my family would be better off without me. I grew up believing that if I had never been born, things would be easier for the people I loved.”
Talk about knocking the wind out of a person. I don’t think I took a breath for a solid minute. I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop wondering if Logan will someday feel this. I have often heard the phrase, “Live in the moment”. I know, without even thinking about it, that I don’t. I don’t live in the moment at all. I haven’t warranted myself that luxury. My mind is running a hundred miles an hour planning, plotting, budgeting, concocting, worrying, crying out to God for relief.
The excerpt I quoted in my blog is from Don’s book “To Own a Dragon” (or Father Fiction) His book is a brutally honest account of his personal experience of growing up without a father. And as a single mother it was take my breath away-bring me to tears-strike fear in my heart kind of honesty. I read about 3 chapters and stopped reading. I didn’t put the book down because it wasn’t good. I put the book down because I could not handle the raw look inside the heart of a boy growing up in a single parent home.
Time went by, and I learned of an organization spearheaded by Don Miller called The Mentoring Project. From the website: “The Mentoring Project seeks to respond to the American crisis of fatherlessness by inspiring and equipping faith communities to mentor fatherless boys.” I felt drawn to the project immediately – as a single mother of a young boy, there was nothing that spoke to my heart more.
I followed its progress – hoping to someday help in whatever way I could. I followed Don on Twitter – and almost fainted when he started following me back. PS…This is when I became an accidental stalker. I wanted to tell him how much impact his writing had on me, and sent him a DM (Direct Message for those of you not cool enough to be on Twitter). It sent no less than 47 times. Yep…I messaged a famous author 47 times. Not long after, he stopped following me on Twitter. Insert accidental stalking sad face here. My friends still make fun of my Don Miller stalking incident.
Life has changed a lot for me in the past year – I am now married to a wonderful man, and my son’s father has recently decided to take a more active role in his life. This is all good.
I am also in a position where I was able to connect The Mentoring Project with my husband, who is a pastor of a church. It’s very possible that my hope and dream of assisting this organization will actually come to fruition. But I don’t feel like my story ends there.
Single mothers are often forgotten, overlooked and misunderstood. The crisis of fatherless homes goes beyond the effects on just the child. I can’t mentor a young boy and help in that way – but I can begin to reach out to their mothers, to provide reassurance, guidance, help and rest. How does that look in a practical, real way? The opportunities, ideas and challenges are endless, and I think being a part of this seminar will help me take a big, big dream and begin to tackle it a little at a time.
Plus I think that having people vacuum the space around my seat at the seminar and making sure I have fresh mints and bottled water would be kind of rad. AND I’m from Vermont – which basically makes me a novelty.
Anyway, since it IS Thursday, I will add that today I am thankful for my son who has inspired and pushed me to change my life and to never give up.
And I am thankful for people who dream big, impossible sounding dreams like The Mentoring Project and change lives in the process.
Also, is it considered bad form to enter a blogging contest and blog about one of the judges?