So, with 43 (?) days until my wedding I find myself unable to sleep at night, or having panic stricken thoughts during the work day about all the little details and things I want/wish for/would like for our wedding. Notice I didn’t say NEED…because in my grown up totally logical mindset I know that all we NEED for our wedding is each other and someone to legally declare us husband and wife.
It is easy to lose sight of the real meaning behind it all – going into the planning, I actually dreamt of a small, oceanside ceremony or even eloping. But those options didn’t exactly work out and I have surprised myself with irrational thoughts and ideas that have popped into my head about the wedding.
Todd and I are reading a book – he in a methodical, chapters in order kind of way – me in an illogical, chapters all OUT of order kind of way – called Love & War. It’s written by John and Stasi Eldredge and I would highly recommend picking it up. There is a chapter devoted to keeping the enemy out of your marriage, and it is powerful. They talk very openly and realistically about how Satan longs to destroy a marriage centered in Christ and it’s not only eye opening, it’s a little chilling. And it made me realize how our idea of marriage today can be SO far from what our Heavenly Father designed it to be. How we live in a time where things that don’t measure up are easily discarded, where hard work and discomfort are easily avoided and how there is always, ALWAYS something better around the corner.
I’m not going to try to pretend I fully understand why God designed marriage. Sometimes it seems like an absolutely crazy notion. But deep down, I do believe God designed it as a gift for us. And if it’s done right, it should be one of the most beautiful, spiritual and life affirming journeys we ever take.
Through all the invitation addressing, flower ordering, dress altering, favor contemplating, menu choosing moments I have to remind myself that what I really desired in the very beginning of all of this was to be Mrs. Hahn. What I truly want is to marry the person who God has put in my path to spend my life with. I have to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that in 2 weeks (or heck, 2 hours for some of you) NO ONE will remember what color the flowers were, what kind of food we served or how nice the centerpieces were.
And after the party is done, and the guests are gone I want to know that what is left is even better, more fun, and more exciting – the beginning of two people doing their very best to follow God’s plan for marriage and having a whole lot of fun while doing it.