I’m an 8 year old boy


I have to touch everything.  You know when you go to stores, and they have racks and racks of clothes?  I can’t just walk by and gaze at the clothing…I have to run my hands along the shirts as I peruse the aisles. 

Just now I am sitting at my desk and absentmindedly shoved a bobby pin into the USB port of my computer.  Then I got some kind of weird error message that said the USB exceeded somethingyaddayaddatechietalkboringwhocares.  Oops.  Years ago, when I was at church, I was up in the front narrating for a children’s program and I thought it would be a good idea to jam a pin into an outlet.  Imagine the sparks that happened after that incident!  I can still remember the shock on people’s faces as they came running up to see what had happened.  But really, what can you expect from the girl who used to cut up worms with little boys in the neighborhood?

Also – I’m pretty sure naps should be mandatory.  Who says that as you get older, your need for a nap decreases?  This is so ridiculous.  Adults are WAY busier than any 2 year old I know.  What does a typical toddler spend their time doing anyway?  I mean, they eat fruit loops and don’t even use the bathroom by themselves.  I’m the one who has to get up and make myself presentable for the world – which in and of itself is like running a marathon.  Then I drive an hour to work in bumper to bumper(ish) traffic, and deal with some insanenly moronic individuals for about 8 hours.  I’m working hard, and constantly updating all my social networking sites simulateously.  I’m pretty sure this makes me quite deserving of a nap.  My office IS equipped with the awesomest chair and a half you’ve ever seen and it’s really comfortable for snoozing.  I mean, I wouldn’t know that personally – it’s not like I snooze there when the owners are out of town or anything.  But the problem lies in the placement of this chair and half – it is directly outside the owner’s office.  Who wants to nap in front of the boss?  I don’t need the people who sign my paycheck see me drool or have bad dreams or anything.  So because of the heightened sense of awkwardness that would assuredly arise as a result of office naps, I propose that all offices purchase PODS for their employees.  Tell me you wouldn’t LOVE one of these things hanging out in your office?!  COME ON!  Think of how happy we’d all be…taking an afternoon siesta in our little office pods. 

The more mature and grown up I get, the more convinced I become that I should rule the world.  Well, as long as no one hands me any kind of small, metal object that can be jammed into outlets.


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