I’m pretty sure there is nothing better than a Saturday morning that includes Land of a Thousand Hills coffee. It is my new favorite coffee – at approximately $11 a bag, it better be amazing. (It is)
Anyway – I’ve neglected my blogging the last few weeks. I really haven’t had anything exciting or important to share – and honestly, I’m not sure I do today either. We are about 6 days from the annual trip to Vermont where I fly with Logan to drop him off with his Dad for the entire summer. This time of year is always met with bittersweet emotion. It is with great anxiety and panic that I send my child to live for 3 months 900 and something miles away from me. I am entrusting his care and well being to a man I don’t even know that well anymore and it’s a strange and sad feeling. On the other hand, Logan loves spending his summers in Vermont with his grandparents and cousins on his Dad’s side, and always has a blast. He comes back full of smiles and stories – and if this year is anything like last, a mohawk. 🙂 Plus, it does give me some time to recharge my batteries, enjoy a little freedom to hang out with friends, take weekend road trips or even run to the grocery store in the middle of the night if I feel like it.
It is bizarre to me that in the fall, my little Beaner will be entering 3rd grade. I vividly remember the first sonogram I had, at about 7 weeks pregnant…seeing that tiny little Bean like thing on the screen was mind boggling, scary and a little bit crazy. And now he’s this tall, lanky, smiley thing with a love of skateboards and video games and I can’t figure out how we got this far. This past year has been a year of startling discovery about myself, about God and about life. I’ve been seeing a counselor for probably about a year now, and there has been a lot of good advice he’s shared with me. During one session, I was expressing my frustration with relationships – of all kinds, not just the romantic. I was aggravated over something that had happened with a friend and he told me that in order to develop true and genuine relationships with people, you have to accept and understand that people will hurt you. That letting people in means ultimately, something will go wrong at some point. It’s not that people are BAD by nature, but everyone makes mistakes. I thought about this for a long time and I realized he was very right. I have kept so many people at a safe distance because I am so tired of being used and trampled on. But in the process, I have cut myself off from the possibility of knowing true intimacy on all levels (again, not just the romantic 😀 )
I have worked really hard at forgiving, and at trusting. And you know, a crazy thing has happened. I’ve been floored on an almost daily basis at the friendships I am fortunate enough to participate in. Friends that will drop everything to help. People who will give of their time, energy and resources if I need it. People who genuinely want what’s best for me and are willing to get messy and involved in my life to help me better myself. I’ve discovered that there are people out there that don’t think I’m a loser because I’m a single Mom or think I’m a failure because of where I’m at in life. I have discovered people who are open to helping me, to loving on my son, to offer advice and encouragement or just an ear for listening when I’m defeated and exhausted.
I wish I could list them all here, but for fear of forgetting someone, I won’t. I just pray that you know who you are, that you know the extent of my gratitude and understand what joy and comfort you all have brought into my life. In moments of my darkest and deepest despair, many of you have lifted me up without even knowing it. So thank you dear friends, for your unwavering support and unconditional love.